So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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