I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
