walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think I won the penis lottery.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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