Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
