When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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