tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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