May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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