Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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