what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You pole danced in your parka.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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