The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
