It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
