well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
