Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You need Xanax blowdarts
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
