I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
