Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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