Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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