I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize