grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
