Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Pants are for mortals
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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