I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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