I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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