dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
