It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
