his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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