So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
