He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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