normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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