it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
