Fuck appropriateness.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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