Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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