If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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