I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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