it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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