4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
