I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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