Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
