I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You're a waste of cheezeits
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
