i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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