her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
