What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize