Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
