Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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