My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
