I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
