I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
