Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
