dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
