Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize