so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
