you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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