Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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