I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
