Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
