I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
