I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
