So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
