what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
