I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
