I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
