He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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