Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
