my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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