Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
