I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
