I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
