I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize