he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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