It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
