Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
