i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Randomize
