I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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